One of the first pictures where I really did everything. I had the idea, I took the picture, I modeled, I developed the film and I printed the picture. I remember agitating the developer and getting ready to whip the picture out and into the fix just as the blacks were black. A row of eyes were hanging up to dry looking back at me (ahh the darkroom smell) 

At school art was the best class. Well it was for me because we could all do art. Ok some were definitely better than others, but we could all put pen to paper, brush to canvas and squidge some clay into ‘things’. The girl I sat next to in art was amazing; She was replicating the great masters with ease while my efforts seemed somewhat crude next to hers. Maybe it’s no surprise therefore that I gave up art when it came to making our gcse selections despite it being one of my favourite subjects. I’d never be as good as her I said to myself. At the time I did also fancy this girl and would woo her with my snotty tissue achievements (oh) She’s an art teacher now. Alas she got married to a very nice guy and guess what; I was the wedding photographer. Yes I still had to vent my creative ambitions and photography seemed the perfect form.

Now I hadn’t drawn anything for years and years but when I got back from a summer season in Greece I found a self-portrait (photo) that I’d made at college ripped up and thrown in the bin. Apparently it had been starring at my Mother and she didn’t like it. This for some unknown reason became the first drawing that I would attempt in years. I’d sit in the evening and draw one of the sections as it had been torn, creating a puzzle that would hopefully go back together again. I’m not sure what my intention was but on its completion I stuck it together and sent it to my Dad whom I’d never met.

On receiving it he framed it and mentioned to me that the picture would look down on him ‘it’s like you’re watching me’ he said. Maybe like my Mum he didn’t like it much either. Either way I never got to see my Dad as he died of a heart attack just before I went out to see him. That picture that I’d drawn was the closest we got to looking each other in the eye. Our memories will leave us but the image lives on. Don’t underestimate the power of the pencil!

lit with a desk lamp in my bedroom, my old canon T90 on HP5 plus